Can a husband rape his wife?

By Oreva Godwin

Can a husband truly rape his wife? This question is controversial in nature, and you, my dearest readers, know I am controversial in nature. Will I say I am a traditional woman? Yes, I will say I am one, but I am not an ethnocentrist. I’m an exposed mind, and being an ethnocentrist shows I have not evolved as a person.

The world does not evolve around our traditions; the real world is more than that. We have to realise that tradition is not always right. Our forefathers in some instances were not good examples. Most of our traditions were passed on by primitive minds, sexists, etc. But some traditional practices made us better versions of ourselves.

So, can a husband rape his wife? Yes, he can. Marital rape is considered a form of domestic violence and sexual abuse. Although, historically, sexual intercourse within marriage was regarded as a right of spouses, engaging in the act without the spouse’s consent is now widely classified as rape by many societies around the world, and increasingly criminalized.

Sex is meant to be enjoyed by both parties and not one-sided. As a husband, you have legal rights over your wife’s body, and same with your wife. But forcing your wife into intercourse when she says no is unlawful. What differentiates you from the hooligans and perverts out there that derive pleasure in raping women? No difference. A husband who is meant to love and protect his wife is now a legal monster. Are you a wimp? Can’t you seduce your wife?.

While it’s difficult to provide an exact number of women who report marital rape in Nigeria, studies indicate that a significant percentage of women have experienced marital rape, with some research showing that 7.7% of married women, aged 15-49 years, have experienced marital rape. A study in Imo State, Nigeria, showed that 14.2% of pregnant women experienced forced sexual intercourse at the hands of their husbands. Another study in Oyo State, Nigeria, found that 15.3% of women reported experiencing marital rape.

Sexual violence, including marital rape, is often underreported in Nigeria due to stigma, blaming of victims and lack of trust in law enforcement. Amnesty International reported that hundreds of rape cases go unreported due to pervasive corruption, stigma, and victim-blaming.

Why are women blamed for being raped by their husbands? It is saddening that a woman is blamed for being raped by her husband. Are women meant to be always in the mood? Why do most men know how to invest in pleasing their side chic’s sexually, but with their wives, it’s just straight to the main sex? No foreplay, no romance, nothing. I call that sex pattern “open and close style.” How will your wife be in the mood when you don’t create that memorable sex moment with her?

Research shows that some blood pressure medications, particularly older beta-blockers and diuretics, can potentially reduce a woman’s sex drive (libido) as a side effect. The rate at which youths now suffer from high blood pressure is not shocking, a reason most people tend to have low sex drive.

We need to be educated in a lot of things. Imagine being raped, not because you fail to please your husband, but because your medication has suppressed your sex drive and your husband is not patient with you to make efforts and put you in the mood?

We have embraced the Western ideal marital lifestyle 50/50, and now women hustle like men to support the home. They cook, clean, and care for the children and attend to other chores.

Taking care of kids is the world’s hardest job ever. I once spent weeks with my beautiful nephew and nieces, and I promise you, it was a Herculean task. If it was in the days of slave trade, I would have gladly sold them out to the slave masters to have peace. But, I love them like they came out of me. So imagine the tedious job of a mother, and after that everyday stress, you expect her to be horny for you whenever you want?. Are these women robots?.

Men argue that it’s not rape when it’s your husband that’s involved. This scares me a lot. What is rape?
Rape is “the penetration, no matter how slight, of the vagina or anus with any body part or object, or oral penetration by a sex organ of another person, without the consent of the victim.” Did the definition say by a stranger? Or by someone who is not your husband?. Rape is general, and this gruesome act must be stopped.

Nneka is a young lady who loves life, and sex is her happy place. She is one with high sex drive and craved to be fortunate to meet a man that will match up her sex drive. One day, she went to the shopping mall and met Jack, the number one hungry lion (sex maniac), and they got acquainted.

Jack invited Nneka over, and they had coitus. The experience that night was a bomb. They made a perfect match. After a few months of dating, they got married. She got pregnant. Her pregnancy even heightened her sex drive, and it was intoxicating. She gave birth and went back to her usual sex drive.

A few years later, she got pregnant, and the pregnancy changed everything. Nneka’s sex drive during this pregnancy became so low. She was always throwing up, drained, and still had to struggle to care for the first child. But Jack? He still retained the same over drive. His wife literally had to struggle to please him sexually.

One day, she was drained and stressed out and was lying in bed to catch her breath. Jack returned home angry, and wanted to use sex as a way to vent his anger. He tried touching her, but she rejected him. This got him livid. He dragged her, pulled up her dress, and forced himself on her. She spotted, and was rushed to the hospital. Luckily the baby was alright. She only bled, because her body was not prepared for coitus. She was in pain and in shock at the monster she called a husband.

One thing people with high sex drive fail to realize is that both gender will experience changes over time. For men with high sex drive, the urge never dies. They only try to control it as they get older. But for most women? The sex drive gradually dies because of responsibilities, business, pregnancy, raising a family, domestic chores, and also how husbands treat them, play a major role in the sex drive. It will increase or decrease depending on the circumstances.

The most scary set of men are those who feel that the only way to show their dominance over their wives is by beating and raping them. They practically break their wives and reduce their self-esteem to nothing by being a legal monster.

It’s rather sad that under the Nigeria criminal code, a husband cannot be found guilty of the offence of rape against his wife. Even when he has sex without her consent. This is the society we are all in, a law that does not protect married women, but only single ladies. This law needs to be amended.

As a writer and a woman, I am in tears as I pen down this piece. My tears cry for justice, for the misfortune of women that are raped daily. The head of the family has become their nemesis.

Married women have the right to have sex when they feel like it and should not be forced into it. Married women deserve justice, just as the single ladies are entitled to it. Time to act is now.