By Oreva Godwin
As a woman in her early 30s, I’ve felt the panic, the pressure, the expectations, and the silence that comes when you’re afraid to admit it loud and clear. These are not just fears; they are truths we live with daily.
What are these fears that women in their 30s faced? The fear of decline in reproduction. Research has shown that a woman’s peak reproductive years are between the late teens and late 20s. By age 30, fertility (the ability to get pregnant) starts to decline. This decline happens faster once you reach your mid-30s. By 45, fertility has declined so much that getting pregnant naturally becomes unlikely.
At 35, the number and quality of eggs begin to decrease, making it harder to conceive. The chance of getting pregnant within a year drops, and the risk of miscarriage and genetic abnormalities increases.
Another fear is that of staying single. Comparing the steps of our aunties that are old, single and unmarried, with our status scares us. We tend to reflect on how we used to judge them when we were teenagers and wondered why they were not married. We put ourselves now that we are adults and ask: “what’s are our excuse for staying unmarried? It’s just a rhetorical question that keeps recurring in our minds.
Another fear that confronts women in their 30s is the change in body mass. Women, as they grow older also experience health challenges; from hormonal imbalance to body change. Research shows that fibroids are most common in women between the ages of 30 and 50. They can develop at any age but are less common in adolescents. After menopause, fibroids usually shrink.
Another fear is that of living a life of no purpose. This is one fear that only career driven women in their 30s fear the most.
Sarah was a young and beautiful girl. Her beauty was the talk of town. Heads rolled when she walked the streets of Calabar. She radiated beauty. But she was filled with pride. Men came her way, but she was fixated in marrying a man with wealth. She rebuffed the idea of growing with a commoner. She felt her beauty was too much for a minimum offer. She kept up the hunt till she got to her early 30s, and then everything changed.
The rate of men coming her way started declining. Her mom told her that her pride would be her Achille’s heel. Pick a man and build a home before it’s too late, but she refused. Gradually, her beauty started declining. She had no job and lived off men. At age 38, she was still single. Finally, men stopped coming. Those who cared to show interest were men that could barely feed themselves. Reality struck in. It was as if a covering cast left her eyes.
She soliloquised, “What have I been doing with my life?” She had to return to her mother’s house, and started looking for any man that could make her a wife. Of course, getting a good job became difficult. One look at her CV ends in a snub because of her age. Suddenly, there was time to choose a right partner and hunt for a good job, but her fading beauty had become an obstacle.
Helen was a girl child every parent envisioned to have. Hardworking and career oriented, she built a career for herself in her early 20s, and everyone was so proud of her. She marked her 30th birthday in grand style. It was extravagant. But she reflected on her life, and one thing was missing, and that’s a home to return to after a hard day’s job.
Single life became a bother to Helen. She then vowed to start a home of her own before her next birthday. Pressure started setting in from her family and friends, and this fueled her determination. One day, she went on a solo date and guess who sat opposite her? Her social media crush. He looked better in person, and she walked up to him and made an introduction. Oh, poor Helen, making an introduction with the devil. It is said in the bible that the devil is very handsome, so we don’t blame Helen for falling for him.
Kayode did not trip at first. Yeah, even the devil has his spec. But Kayode was a predator. What did he do? He studied his prey and asked Helen what she did for a living. Once she disclosed she owned a fashion house, a dispatch company, and had just started a restaurant, Kayode became interested. She further told him her likes and dislikes. Everything about herself.
Kayode really got interested and offered to drop her off after the date, but she smiled. When they got to the parking lot, she brought out her car key and behold it was a 2021 Range Rover Sport car. He was instantly wowed. Our predator was managing a 2016 Spider Camry. As a gentleman, he opened the door to her car and let her in, got her number, and left.
Helen felt she had the best date ever, while Kayode saw a prey in her. They got talking. He played according to her rules.. And they soon started dating.
One day, he called for a quick loan to clear up his tax. According to him, business had been low. She loaned him N1million. In her mind, she was supporting her man. He paid off the loan, and to her, that’s a sign of a good man. But the devil was only bidding time to earn her trust for a bigger jackpot.
After four months of relationship, he proposed. Helen was excited. Her dream of getting married before her next birthday had come to pass.
They started planning the marriage, and Helen freed herself and got pregnant. Kayode soon travelled to Abuja, and Helen got a call that shocked her and threaten her unborn baby.
Kayode’s friend called Helen, telling her that he was arrested and falsely accused of fraud. She was in disbelief. Pictures were sent to her of him in a police station. She cried her eyes out after seeing the picture. Unknown to her, it was a photoshop.
She was told that the police were demanding N50million to close the case. She shouted and pleaded. They finally resolved for N40million. It was a month to their marriage. She sold the only two lands that she had and borrowed extra N10million and sent the money to his friend to bail Kayode from the station. That was the last she heard from her supposed husband.
It turned out that Kayode used the N40million with what he had and relocated to Canada. Unknown to Helen, he had been processing his visa. He never looked back on the fact that she was carrying his child.
Helen was confronted by a dilemma. She became so ashamed to face the world. What of all the money already spent planning the marriage? How does she cope with debts on her head and being forced to be a single mother? She regretted being desperate and giving herself a time limit for marriage. She made a fool of herself.
Kate, on the other hand was a banker. At age 30, she met a young man, and they got acquainted. They dated for two years, and he never talked about marriage. This got her worried. The bank system wasn’t friendly too. She couldn’t apply for the promotional exams, because she had passed the age limit for it. She was now 32. She watched her colleagues in their 20s apply and get promoted. She felt like a failure.
Kate noticed she was constantly bloated. One morning, she woke up and noticed she had serious abdominal pain. She was rushed to the hospital and was diagnosed of fibroid.
She was scheduled for emergency surgery, and it was a success. She had to face reality. She was told that after surgically removing the fibroid, there was a high chance it would grow again if she did not get pregnant. This got her worried.
So she took the best decision she felt was ideal for her and got pregnant a few months after recovery. She got pregnant and was lucky to have the man wed her. Hopefully, Kate is happy with her decision.
For Ada, a young lady, she lost her peace once she crossed 30. Desperation set in, and she wanted to settle down quickly. She got scared of the possibility of being single. She couldn’t afford to freeze her eggs and wait for when a man will surface. So she took the desperate decision to get a man or die trying.
She started giving every man available attention, including men that were far from her spec. All she wanted was a man. Any man was fine. After two years of searching, she met Edem, and they courted briefly, and settled down in marriage. She felt her stormy life was over. Little did she know that a tornado was ahead.
She got pregnant, and that’s when it happened. A few days to her due date, they had a big quarrel with her husband. The next day her water broke and she called Edem to come rush her to the hospital, but he simply replied, “that same strength you used to fight me, find that strength and take yourself to the hospital.” She struggled and drove herself to the hospital and gave birth.
People gathered around her with happiness, but she wasn’t. She was in deep regret. “Where was the true joy of this thing called marriage? I was better off single. Why did I rush into this marriage all in the name of time was going”, she cried. But her loved ones felt it was tears of joy.
There was also the case of Idowu, a content creator. She started at age 30, the age when content creators had already gotten to stardom. That was the age Idowu started her content creation. She had fears and discouragement, but she had to take the risk. She told herself, “If I fail I will lick my wounds”. Irrespective of the negative voices in her head and from the people around her, she started.
Six months and with low views on her social media handles, she went to church one Sunday morning, and the pastor talked about thinking out of the box and doing things differently. The sermon fueled her like an overloaded generator. She did something shocking. For the first time, she prayed before setting up her camera and started her vlog.
As she was vloging, she got a strange inspiration and said something shocking. She spoke about her traumatic childhood, and it got massive attraction. She hit 1 million views. It was crazy. She started vlogging on relatable and real-life stories and issues.
Idowu became a top content creator, just within a space of three years. She has been invited to speak and encourage women all over Africa. She achieved this in her 30s. The age limit is all in the mind.
To my ladies in their 20s, plan yourself before you cross to your 30s, gain that experience and exposure you need. Build that career now that you can before it’s too late. Apply for those jobs now. Age limit while seeking an office job is real. Build that business now and stop procrastinating. Never let your beauty and youth get to you. Plan your life now. If you’re lucky to see a good, supportive man who loves you and adores you and is supportive, go ahead and build a home with him. Read intellectual books and movies. Develop your mind.
For women in their 30s, you may have come to realise that life is unfavourable to women. This is real. Depression will naturally set in. That desperation to prove a point, to start a home, to become something can be very daunting. But stay strong and be careful. Avoid been broken. You are just evolving. This is the age that can scar you for life. Each decision shapes your future. It’s okay to want more out of life. It’s your right, but don’t take decisions out of emotions.
If you can freeze your eggs and keep till when you meet Mr. right, please feel free to do so. if you can afford and stomach being a single mother, feel free to do so. But never rush into motherhood when you’re not mentally prepared or have not set a life balance that can accommodate a child with no external support.
Make wise decisions. You are not old. You are just promoted into womanhood, a true lady. Dress your age, not below and above your age. Shake off that fear and face your reality with bravery. Go for that therapy if you must. Get your sanity back. Go for those business and career seminars. Invest in real estate.
Never let society push you into a sad decision. Silent that voice of fear and negativity. Find your strength, find your voice, build that career. Never bring down your standard because men won’t bring it down for you. Remember, your 30s can be your beginning and not your ending. Be authentic.
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