By Oreva Godwin
This article is for intentional couples, those who are committed to making their love lives work. It takes two to build a village. Many relationships and marriages are painfully boring. And often, how you start determines how your marriage will go.
I genuinely feel sorry for over-religious people, especially the women. Daddy Dayo is not as holy as you think. His side chic is spicing up his sexual life while you’re there holding a Bible with your wrapper tied to your chest. Let’s be real: the Holy Spirit will not spice up your marriage for you. He has given you wisdom. You have to learn how to use it.
Research has shown that to reignite passion and excitement in a relationship, couples should focus on novelty, appreciation, intimacy, and quality time. This means trying new activities together, expressing daily gratitude, being physically affectionate, and prioritizing meaningful conversations.
Let’s clarify: quality time is not always boring your partner with scriptures, business ideas, or endless work gossip. That’s what many of you do. Meanwhile, your partner craves intimacy, but you’re too busy talking “church-church” and “work-work.” They don’t want to be rude; so they just listen. But in silence, the mood dies. Be sensitive.
Talk Naughty, Not Just Holy. Learn to talk naughty. Talk dirty while you guys are making love. Spank, whisper naughty words to each other’s ears. Learn to keep a sexy sluty voice as a lady. As a man, learn to use the alpha seductive voice. Tell each other how you like it while on it. As a lady taking permission before you hit orgasm is another crazy form of sexual enhancement to the men. It makes your man feel like the real sex Alpha.
Send your partner cheeky messages. Compliment them after great sex. Say something dirty. These words stick. When your partner is alone, these memories bring unconscious smiles. They’ll keep running home to you, not just out of duty, but desire.
Encouragement and gratitude are key. Be your partner’s personal cheerleader. Tell them how much you appreciate their efforts with you and the kids. Make them feel like royalty. Let them know you believe in them. Prayer is great, but don’t neglect the physical and emotional connection. A weak mind can’t carry strong prayers.
Share. Snap. Seduce.
Do you share photos with your partner? If not, start today. It’s not about vanity, it’s about intimacy. Yes, your pictures may end up on Instagram, but when your partner is the first to see them, it makes them feel chosen.
By now, you should know the body part your partner loves the most. Snap it. Send it. Some pictures should remain sacred between the two of you. These are the very things side chics and side boys do that make them irresistible. So, why not do the same for your partner?
Have crazy video calls. Use sex toys. Yes, sex toys. Explore together. Don’t let shame kill your joy. Marriage and committed relationships don’t have to be boring.
Ruth had a wild past partying, clubbing, and living the “babygirl” life. Then she gave her life to Christ, found peace, and met Dapo, a charismatic junior pastor at a church conference. They fell in love and agreed on no sex before marriage.
Four months later, they married. But married life wasn’t what Ruth imagined; just endless fasting and midnight prayers. Even during sex, calls for “emergency intercession” would interrupt them. Sex became a spiritual chore.
Desperate to bring excitement back, Ruth bought a sex toy. Dapo yelled. “Using objects is sinful. It’s a sin to your body. How can you make love to an object?” he asked. “It’s like masturbation.” Ruth was shocked. She tried to explain, but he wouldn’t even use it on her. She regretted not discussing sexual compatibility before marriage.
One day, Ruth took a sexy nude photo and nervously sent it to Dapo. She expected him to scream and rebuke her. Instead, it aroused him. He came home, made love to her, and they both learned to put the phone on silent mode during intimacy. Constant “spiritual duty” was draining their marriage, and they finally began to balance faith with pleasure.
Hannah is sapiosexual and deeply turned on by intellect. But after several failed relationships with “intelligent but arrogant” men, she settled for Emeka, a wealthy businessman with average intelligence and poor English.
Hannah married because her fertility clock was ticking against her. Loving Emeka seemed impossible. Getting in the mood sexually was a struggle. His English was just a turn off. They just were not on the same page. But life must go on.
Emeka knew Hannah was out of his league mentally, but he adored her. He secretly hired an English tutor. Then, one day, he dictated a heartfelt message and had the tutor write it down: “Mummy, my tomatoes, my love. I know I am not up to your standard. I still wonder how a woman like you can look at a man like me and accept me. I know you don’t love me, but I don’t care, because my love is enough for you. I wish to make you proud and I want you to be patient with me. I’ll wear school uniform and go back to school to show you how much I love you babym, please manage me”
When Hannah read it, she broke down. None of her educated exes ever made her feel this loved or cherished. She started to look beyond his IQ and saw his intentional heart. She noticed his efforts. His English improved. She began to enjoy their sex life. She felt lucky.
Intentionality and appreciation were the spice their marriage needed.
Adam was getting bored. Amanda, his girlfriend was intelligent and ambitious but too serious, uptight, and overly goal-driven. No jokes. No spontaneity. Their relationship lacked fun, laughter, or even naughty past memories.
Adam loved her brain, but not the vibe. She felt like a wife, not a friend. So he planned a trip to Obudu Mountain Resort and opened her up. Amanda was shocked to hear their relationship of one year and even the sex was boring to him.
During the vacation, Adam shared his sexual fantasies and fetishes. Amanda shared hers too. For the first time, they saw each other without filters. They didn’t just talk, they explored. Awkward at first, but they improved with time. They read articles and watched videos together. Five years later, they’re married and still exploring. All because they were intentional.
Talking about sharing past experiences can be fatal. Don’t overshare.
A woman once opened up to her husband about her wild past threesomes, foursomes, and an affair with her ex-boss, who happened to be the chairman of their wedding. Her husband never looked at her the same way again. He demanded threesomes, belittled her and insulted her, and the marriage crumbled.
Not every past needs to be told. Some secrets should die with you. Not everyone is mature enough to handle your truth. Be wise. Know your partner’s emotional capacity before you spill.
Spicing up a relationship only works when both partners are open-minded and intentional. You can’t do it alone. It takes two.
So whether it is naughty texts, heartfelt appreciation, crazy video calls, or embracing sexual exploration, bring your partner along. Keep the spark alive.
Marriage doesn’t have to be boring. Let’s spice it up.
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