By Oreva Godwin
Dearest readers, our men’s brows are already raised at this topic, but I refuse to panic. It is my sworn duty to say the truth and nothing but the truth.
In my last article, “Women, naturally are nanipulators,” the tension was hotter than fresh pepper soup. I almost lost my head. The women’s association nearly disowned me. So today, I’m presenting another truth, maybe they’ll accept me back. But truth is truth, and truth must be told. I’ve never been the type to shy away from it.
If manipulation is women’s superpower, then gaslighting is a man’s birthright. Before you roll your eyes, you may need to pause and breathe a little. If you’ve ever argued with a man and left the conversation doubting your own name, then you already know I’m not lying.
There is a special kind of madness that only a man can trigger, the kind where you start questioning your eyes, your ears, your memory, and finally, your sanity.
I’ve seen women enter a room confident and leave unsure of what they heard. I’ve watched men twist a simple truth until even the truth becomes confused.
If you’ve ever wondered how this happens, sit back. Let me tell you about the gender that was born with a handbook on gaslighting.
That madness has a name: gaslighting. And men wield it like a weapon that they were born with.
Men are born gaslighters
This gender can gaslight your sanity into total confusion. You will question your sight, your hearing, your memory, even your existence. They use anger the way some people use seasoning: generously, confidently, and without apology.
I once ran a restaurant in the heart of the city, just a young girl trying to make extra income. And trust men: where there is good food and beautiful women, they gather like flies around ripe mango. That business taught me more about men than any personal experience ever could.
When I write about men, it’s not just from my feelings, it’s from watching them, listening to them, studying the way they think.
When many of them sit with their peers, they transform completely. The decent, coordinated, respectable man who walked in becomes a completely different creature. Loose tongue. Loud disrespect. Shameless bragging. They boast about cheating scandals like job promotions. They break down, step-by-step, the exact techniques they used to gaslight their partners.
If you want to understand men, go to bars and busy restaurants. That’s where their real selves live. Men gaslight to show power. To maintain control.
Rule number one:
Never admit you’ve been caught.
Even when the cheating is undeniable and the evidence is right there, denial becomes the weapon. Not because the truth is unclear, but because admitting it would mean taking responsibility, and gaslighters survive by avoiding accountability.
Rule number two: Never apologise
An apology would mean accountability, and accountability would mean admitting guilt. So instead, anger is deployed; raised voices, outrage, deflection. Not because you’re innocent, but because rage is easier than remorse, and intimidation often silences the truth faster than honesty ever could.
Rule number three: Convince her that her eyes, her ears, and her memory are all lying
The goal is not to disprove the truth, but to destabilise her confidence in it. You question what she saw, rewrite what she heard, and dismiss what she remembers, until doubt replaces certainty. Gaslighting succeeds the moment a woman starts interrogating her own reality instead of your behaviour.
Men are masters in gaslighting. And the funniest part? Women often know they’re being gaslighted, but they can’t fight back, not because they are weak, but because they have no “proof.” They end up in a constant state of confusion, which is exactly the power gaslighting gives men.
When a woman is caught cheating, she will cry, wail, roll on the floor, and even pretend that she’s sorry. That’s manipulation. But men? Catch a man red-handed and watch him rise like a lion from sleep. He will challenge you. He will use anger to bury his guilt.
He will ask you what you think you saw, and when you explain, he would insist you saw wrongly.
He will claim he was “removing something from her eyes.” He will command you to stop the drama, and somehow, you’ll begin to question your own senses.
Men can gaslight you into believing your family is your enemy, even when you know they love you. They can isolate you completely before you even realize what is happening.
Women manipulate silently. Men gaslight loudly, with pride.
But gaslighting is more dangerous. Manipulation may confuse you temporarily. Gaslighting rearranges your reality. It makes you question everything and everyone.
Kelly loved Nkechi and feared losing her. He noticed she had male friends and started working on her mind softly. Before long, Nkechi cut them off. Then it moved from male friends to female friends. He told her they were jealous, envious, plotting against her happiness, and though she doubted it, she still believed him.
Kelly later saw messages where her family warned her about him. That was the final threat. He had to cut them off too to “secure” his influence. He proposed immediately, faster than express delivery, just to lock her in.
After their introduction ceremony, he intensified the gaslighting. “Your sister is jealous of you.”
“They talk to you too much, like I don’t exist.”
“You share too much joy with your family.”
Piece by piece, he separated her from everyone who loved her.
In the end, she was alone, but under his full control.
Tunde told Mary to get ready for a date night. His driver then called to say he was picking her up for a spa treat. Mary was shocked, Tunde was never that romantic. But she dressed up.
Minutes later, the driver called again: “Madam, there was a mix-up. The treat is not for you.”
Mary confronted Tunde.
He barked at her: “Did I call you? Go and ask the person that called you!”
Mary sensed he was giving another woman a treat. She called the driver. He apologised and said he mistook the name, that it was “Oga’s cousin.”
At dinner, Mary tried to address it. Tunde switched the story: “She’s my colleague.” “but your driver said cousin?” she replied. Tunde exploded: “Believe what you want! I should have cancelled this outing!”
Mary chose peace over her dignity. Another victory for gaslighting.
Onome returned home earlier than planned.
She entered the living room. Her man was kissing another woman.
She screamed.
He panicked, then recovered. “Why the noise? Did you hurt yourself?” he asked. “Who is she? Why are you kissing her?” she asked. “She’s my friend. And we were not kissing. I was removing something from her eyes.”
He dismissed the so called friend and shouted at Onome to “stop the drama.” And just like that, she stood there, shaking, doubting the evidence that was right before her face.
I once overheard some men sharing cheating stories. One said his wife caught him red-handed. All his friends shouted: “Hope you no beg?” “Hope you no gree say you cheat?” The man replied, “I dey craze?”
He narrated how he gaslighted his wife, and they all hailed him.
Because in their world: A real man never admits his failings.
Many women are married to gaslighters.
Many knowingly accept lies, not out of foolishness, but because they want peace.
But hear me today:
No one deserves to live in a confused state. No one deserves to question their sanity.
No one deserves emotional puppetry.
Manipulation or gaslighting is nothing to be proud of. Your partner is not a puppet.
Stop being a puppeteer in people’s lives.
And men, understand this: women often allow you to gaslight them, not because they don’t know the truth, but because they choose peace. They see the reality clearly, yet they stay quiet so you don’t find an excuse to dodge responsibility. Silence is not ignorance; it is strategy. Patience should never be mistaken for foolishness.
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