By Oreva Godwin
Ordeal of a married woman. This article is similar to one of my articles,”Why women cheat”, but it’s an emotional side of it.
What drove a loving, caring, godly woman to cheat? What is that pain that drives some women to seek closure, not from their husbands, but from other men? Why do they start resenting their husbands? What made them fall out of love?
It’s my sworn duty, or I would say civic duty, to go deep into the ordeal women face behind closed doors. Note that what we have to say may trigger women that are familar with this pain. It may also prick the conscience of most caring parents and men with conscience and morals.
I will share a real life story, and for the emotional person, I pray some people would not be moved to tears before I am done. Some hearts are bound to melt at the end of the day.
A lady sent me an email requesting for my number, which I sent and we spoke on phone and then she shared her ordeal. And she asked that I should publish her ordeal. She said she read my article “why women cheat” and stated that I did not talk about the emotional side of it, that not every married woman cheats for fun. In her defense, the men push most of the women to it. So this is her story.
Onome was a 26-year-old woman when she met her husband Archibong. Onome is from a home rooted in tradition, more of a traditionalist. As a typical Isoko woman, she knows the punishment for cheating on her husband. She was one who judged women for cheating and mocked women for cheating. She always soliloquised, “why will a married woman cheat?” She could never wrap her head around it. Little did she know that you don’t judge a pain you haven’t experienced.
Onome said she met Archibong in 2017 and they got married in 2018. Just like every guy, she knew Archibong had his flaws, but she learnt a lesson the hard way. If your partner’s bad side is far higher than his good side, then he/she is not for you.
But Onome decided to put her body and soul into the relationship, hoping she would change him. It first started with him sleeping with older women, claiming a mature woman deflowered him when he was in junior secondary school.
From married women, he moved to widows and then to single mothers, before making young ladies a specialty. If cheating was the only problem, won’t it be better? It would have, but no, Archibong was something else.
Onome said she found out that she was married, yet living like the unmarried. She runs the home like a single mother. She got pregnant and had complications. It was so bad that she couldn’t walk, always in pain. Archibong told her to stop working. He said, “I have money, I will establish you, just quit.”
She listened and quit her job. A month to her due date, Archibong travelled out of the country. He was there for 3 weeks, claiming he would be back on time to welcome their twin. He came back three weeks later, got to Abuja, and gave excuses that he had a meeting.
Two days to the due date, her husband liked a picture on instagram, which popped up on Onome’s fyp(for your page). It was a wristwatch she gifted her husband on his birthday. It was on the wrist of a lady. The t-shirt the lady wore, she got for him also. She was livid, because this couldn’t be a coincidence. She called her husband to vent her anger, and it happened.
Her water broke. She was rushed to the hospital and she gave birth to their twins, two boys. Her husband was called to relay the news, and he flew back to their base a week later. The moment he got home, he was welcomed by her, and she started unpacking his luggage and behold, the wristwatch, and T-shirt were missing.
She demanded that his side chic return her gifts. He argued, and she showed him the pictures as proof. Unknown to him, when the lady did a video of herself, his tattoo showed in the video.
The evidence was too clear to ignore. The house was tense. I am sure the twins could feel the tension. The house was suddenly heavy, and Archibong’s heartbeat could be heard in the next room. He was sweating even under the air conditioner. He called his sex escort, told her to send back the things she took from him without his consent.
Days passed, and tension at home gradually thawed. Archibong could breathe freely. Dedication came and passed, and now, the kids are 6 months old.
Onome said she later had a conversation with her husband and presented a business plan. The budget for the business plan was N30 million, and she knew that her husband could afford the money. Instead, he gave an excuse that they should let the kids start school first before she starts business. It was reasonable enough and she said, okay.
After the kids started school, Onome said Archibong came up with different excuses. It was not long before she got pregnant again and had a baby girl. And the same scenario played out again – Hubby was not around to witness child birth. He blamed his absence on business commitments.
She revealed that before her husband travelled on one of his so called business trips, she reminded him that her due date was close. As it were, her pregnancy journey has never been sweet because he is never there. She does everything on her own. No assistance from the husband when he is around either. She practically struggles to take the twins for their hair cut even while pregnant and stressed out.
Now the daughter is two years old and the boys are five years old. “Can I start my business?”, she asked. Archibong became defensive and bluntly told her to be a stay at home mom. He said, “I have money and you’re not lacking anything. So why seek extra money? Have you asked for anything and I didn’t give it to you?”
Onome’s pains grew. She says she is a career driven woman, having grown up in a home where women are business moguls and career driven. “Why is this man doing this? I told him my dreams while we were dating and he told me it’s the drive I had that made him love me more and wants to make me his wife. So why this?” She soliloquised. “Was I deceived into marriage?”
For each time she and her husband have a heated quarrel, he stops sending her money because he knows that’s the upper hand he has over her. One day she cried to him and stated, “It’s this money that I don’t have that is hurting me, else you wouldn’t have heard a word from me.” She was forced to learn how to prepare small chops and started supplying it to her kids’ schools and to different locations. She just had to do something to distract her mind, even though the profit is not much.
Then she got pregnant for the third time, and it was hell unleashed on her. His cheating got so scandalous that it was the talk of town. When rumour started to spread that a popular sex escort was HIV positive, her fear increased because Onome knew that she was one of her husband’s flings.
She was in panic, shaking, and had contractions. Out of fear, she got tested. Luckily, it came out negative. Her husband’s character became so unbearable. It was the first time she truly regretted getting pregnant and getting married. She swore never to get pregnant again even if God appeared to her that her next child would be the Messiah. The world can burn for all she cares.
Onome had her fourth child alone as usual. Never for once has her husband driven her to the hospital. All prenatal and postnatal concerns were hers to bear. After giving birth, she decided to freeze her eggs. She learnt to make herself happy by making new friends and building a social life.
She said that sometimes her husband will not make love to her for six months as punishment for being stubborn and for nagging. Why will he not? When he is having his fun outside? For a 35 year old woman, with blood flowing through her veins, this is an unbearable nightmare.
One day she called for a family meeting and shared her ordeal. His family asked him, “Why have you refused to touch your wife for months, and from what we are hearing, it’s not the first or second time. Why have you refused to establish her?” Archibong replied: “If I establish her, she will lose respect. That’s the only way she can be submissive and loyal. And I stopped touching her to teach her a lesson. When I see that she is humble, I will make love to her.”
It’s crazy when you are the only wealthy person in the family. You tend to have the final say. Nobody wants you as an enemy. Everybody wants to be in your good book. So his family did not press hard and just told him to reconsider and left. And that’s when she saw how monstrous her husband can be. He travelled for weeks, did not drop feeding money, and never called, all because she reported him. He did not care how his children fed.
Onome disclosed that she had to run the house with the little profits she made from selling chops and even paid the nanny her salary because it was getting embarrassing. Fueling the cars was hell.
According to her, Archibong drives only Mercedes Benz and Range Rover sport. And to fuel any of the cars was hell. But she had to put in her best and struggled to make ends meet, just to prove a point to herself and to him.
One day, she needed a break and left the kids with the nanny at home and drove around town. She stopped at a private restaurant and asked for two tots of tequila. That’s what she could afford. She quietly sipped her drink, and tears started rolling down. She knew she was still attractive. After having 4 kids, she knows men still find her desirable, but she always rebuked them out of determination to stay faithful to her marital vows.
But why will her husband not find her desirable? Why will he not touch her for months, even when she walks naked in front of him and even dresses sexy? Instead he will just look at her and walk away. “What’s wrong with me?” She soliloquised. I have prayed and prayed to God. What’s my offence?
She broke down, unaware that a young man was watching her. He walked up to her and hugged her. Quite unlike herself, she did not push him away or scream. She held on to him and cried on his shoulders. The stranger was calm and soothed her back till she had her fill. He looked at her finger and noticed she was married and asked, “Trouble in paradise?”
Onome said she could only nod her head. She finally looked up and saw his face and meh, he had the face and body of a Greek god. He was hot.They got acquainted, and he was so funny and made her laugh. She forgot her sorrows and pain that very moment and wished she didn’t have to go back home. Just stay there and be happy and feel young again.
They exchanged contacts and went their separate ways. Hubby came back and saw a strange glow in Onome. She was not that depressed looking woman but looked cheerful. He must have wondered, “Why would she be cheerful when I did not give her money for weeks?”. Then he called her to his room and made love to her. But for the first time, she did not really enjoy the sex because she had completely lost the love she had for him.
Unfortunately, the sex resulted in a pregnancy, and Onome said never again. She will not fire up forgotten hell. Hubby insisted she kept the pregnancy, but she exclaimed, “Keep it so you can torment me?” Never! She aborted the pregnancy and froze her eggs. She had to freeze her eggs because she had no idea what the future holds.
But she kept in touch with the stranger, and he kept on sending her words of encouragement. Of course, it was comforting to have a friend who cares, a friend she can complain to. She has only had her family as her friend. So having someone aside from her family was not be a bad idea, she thought. Her husband kept on causing her pain, but it wasn’t as painful as before because she had a stranger that cares. She stopped playing the good wife role. Only called when she needs money for the kids. And she no longer cares if he comes back home or not.
Her husband apparently noticed the drastic change but kept it to himself. She knew he wanted to ask her the reason for her indifference, but she did not give the opportunity to ask.
After 6 months of friendship on the phone with the stranger, they finally met. She met him when she was vulnerable. Archibong was involved in another scandal. It was heard in town that the almighty Archibong now goes to events with another woman, and that the supposed woman is posing as his wife. She drives Archibong’s cars in town boldly with plate number that bears his name.
Onome says she fought her husband, but never for once has he apologized. All he says is that the said lady is his business partner.
So, she met the stranger, and one thing led to another and they had sex. And the sex was mind blowing. He worshipped her body, and it felt like heaven on earth. She was wrapped up in paradise and wished it would never end. But all good things must come to an end. He climaxed and they cuddled. She got back home, and was shocked that on sighting her husband, she had no guilt in her. That’s when she knew she had zero feelings or love for him.
Our dear wife confessed that she has been keeping this affair going for one year now. She said she has no intention of ending it. But that she’s not quitting the marriage because there’s not enough money for her to be on her own. She cannot take the decision to divorce her husband and start life all over. She is not willing to leave her new found happiness either because of her husband. Onome says she will proudly keep making herself happy. After all, her husband does worse things.
This is the ordeal of a married woman. It’s rather sad that most men make godly women lose their morals as they embark on the quest to get their sanity back. If you’re not ready to be a husband, why get married? If you’re not ready to be a father, why get a woman pregnant? How will you feel when your son in-law treats your daughter the same way you treat your wife? May our daughters not pay for the sins of their fathers.
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