By Oreva Godwin
Chains of the mind. As I wrote this piece, I came to the realisation of how much I’ve grown as to identify the chains that once held me bound, and how I confronted and broke them.
I recalled when I stood in front of my mirror, naked as Eve, and spoke to myself. Yes, it looked insane, but my spirit was listening. There was an awakening, and I reminded myself that I am a god before my fears, and I broke the chains and set myself free.
When I talk about chains of the mind, it’s that chain that holds us with a terrifying strength from lifting our heads to make the right decisions. From seeing the real us. The chain that keeps us in the shadows.
What are the chains of the mind? It refers to the mental and emotional obstacles, often self-imposed, that limit a person’s thoughts, actions, and overall well-being. These “chains” can include things like fear, insecurity, past trauma, limiting beliefs, bad habits, anxiety, depression, and self-doubt, among others. Breaking free from these mental chains involves recognizing them, challenging them, and taking steps to cultivate a more positive and expansive outlook.
Before we share stories that best explain today’s discourse, let’s use the circus to help us understand how we let situations chain our minds. An elephant, when it’s brought to a circus and is in training to be tamed by its master undergoes a process. The elephant is brought to a pole, and a rope tied to its neck. The elephant struggles and struggles to free itself and runs round the pole, but the rope on its neck keeps it from being free.
It becomes a dialy routine that the elephant is brought to the pole with a rope round its neck. Once the master noticed that the elephant was no longer aggressive and violent, he knows that elephant is ready for performance.
On the day of performance, the elephant is brought out to the pole, no longer with the rope round its neck. Once the elephant sights the rope, unconsciously, the elephant starts running round the pole. The audience is entertained and applauds but in the mind of the elephant, there is a rope round its neck connected to the pole.
Most of us are like elephants in the circus. Once we see a situation or a particular person, it triggers us. We unconsciously create a rope round our necks. We run in circles around that situation or person. We turn to the shadows and become a slave; a slave to situations, a slave to our superiors, a slave to our partners.
Plus, was a lawyer working in a chamber in America. Talented, consistent, devoted, and instrumental to bringing investors to his clients. He knew he deserved to be a partner in the chamber but was never given the offer. Every day he rehearsed in front of the mirror, preparing to confront his boss. But when the moment came, he always failed, his lips would get so heavy the moment he came in private contact with his boss. Fear clamped him down, and his boss would just dismiss him.
For two years, he struggled to stand his grounds and demand his rights. He met Maria, a client who quickly became a confidant. She saw the real him, saw lots of potential in him, his strength and depth, and questioned him, “Why are you not yet a partner?” He admitted that he had cold feet.
As they worked together he saw how Maria challenged herself and faced her own challenges fiercely. Her courage rubbed off on him. This amazed him.
One morning, he got to his boss’s office. His boss kept his usual intimidating look, but Pius was unaffected. He boldly told him, “I’ve worked hard for years, I’m qualified to be a partner, why haven’t I made one?” And his boss, stern as ever, rose, from his seat. Pius tensed, ready for rejection, but instead his boss extended his hand to him, and told him, “I thought you would never ask. I was waiting for you to ask. Congratulations, partner.”
Pius was in shock. He was stunned. He had broken his chain. He broke it, and how did he break it? He then remembered Maria, she helped him broke his chain. He called Maria to share in his joy.
Akpezi grew up hating his father. He grew up a different child. More of a special child. He was five years old and still struggled to talk. At age 8, he started talking, but a stammer. This got his dad livid and detached completely from Akpezi. Then Akpezi swore to make his dad love him. He thrived to be the best in all he did. He started training himself on how to speak clearly. But his dad beat him for every little mistake.
The father called him a failure. As Akpezi grew up, he grew from living to please his father into resenting him. He had three best friends, who also shared the same hatred for their fathers. Unknown to him, he was chaining his mind. He grew up with a belief that he was an endangered specie. He was damaged completely. He was traumatised by his father. It became his chain.
Akpezi told himself he would never be a good father. He vowed not to damage an innocent child. He felt he was beyond redemption and debunked the idea of ever being a father. When he became a 40-year-old man, people became bothered that he was not married nor fathered a child. But he never cared to explain himself.
Akpezi met Royalty, and he fell in love. She was a rare jewel. Soft spoken, her voice was music to his ears. A balm to his soul. After dating for months, he saw a wife in her. He couldn’t’ tell her about the decision not to father a child. He was sure she would leave like other women. So he kept mute. He proposed, and they got married. On the first night after marriage, they made crazy love. But he pulled out and had his release in his hand.
This act of sudden withdrawal hurt Royalty. She asked, “I’m your wife, why will you not cum inside of me? I want your seeds inside me”. He kept mute and just walked out on her. One night he went clubbing with his wife and they were under the haze of alcohol, all they could remember was being dragged out of the club. They were too drunk to recall. They woke up naked and he looked at himself and noticed they had made love.
He told her to take emergency pills. Royalty was livid. That was when Akpezi bluntly said he never wanted to be a father, and never will he father a child. Royalty was thrown off guard. She paused for a few seconds, trying to come to terms with what she just heard. Her heart beat increased, and her heart started pumping so fast. It was as if her heart wanted to explode. She had a panic attack, and couldn’t breathe. She immediately ran to the balcony to take in fresh air into her lungs.
Royalty tried to scream but lost her voice. She tried to cry, but was too frozen to cry. Her body was still in shock. She, who was a lover of children, how could she accept this? “I have been scammed into this marriage,” she told herself. She took her phone and checked her ovulation tracking app, and she saw that she was ovulating. As she opened the door leading to the balcony she saw Akpezi crying. She told him, “if I take in, I will stay in this marriage, and you will be a father. It’s non negotiable. But if I don’t take in, I will walk out of this marriage.” Akpezi was dazed.
A few months later, she found out that she was pregnant. She threw the result at her husband and left. The house was tensed, and he proposed an abortion, but she looked at him like he grew 10 heads. Everyday her stomach grew, so was his terror.
She went into labour, and he rushed her to the hospital. He heard her scream, the pain of motherhood. Then he heard the cry of his son, that cry that is a thing of joy and relief to every father. His biggest nightmare had become a reality. He rushed to see his son but immediately had a panic attack that made him run out of the hospital room. His wife just snubbed him and held her son. Their family members were in shock.
Akpezi ran to the house and started crying. That evening, he went on YouTube and stumbled on a semon, and suddenly, it was a sermon from a popular man of God. It was about letting go of the past and healing. The preacher encouraged the listener to face their fears: confront their fear, and that everyone was created a god. The preacher spoke about being a god over your fears and not letting them become god over you. That message was a direct message to Akpezi.
Immediately, he picked up the phone and called his dad. He hadn’t spoken to his dad for years. He called him and poured everything out, the trauma he caused him, resentment, how he broke and damaged him. Akpezi then told his dad that his wife just gave birth and that he would be the best dad he never was to him. His dad was in tears and he hung up.
He ran to his car and drove to the hospital. When he opened the door, his wife was asleep. But his handsome son was awake, yawning and oh, he looked so cute. He went to him and carried him, tears flowing, he named him Onome (my own). He suddenly felt a strange connection as he held his son. His wife woke up and was in tears. He knelt down and asked for forgiveness.
The question here is who is your support system? What do you listen to? What books are you reading? Do you know the chains that are holding you down?
If you don’t identify your chain, you will never be able to break free. You will die with your chain. So many people have chains holding them. That chain that makes you not to walk out from a toxic marriage/relationship, because you’re scared of starting over. Scared of what people will say. Scared of being alone. That chain that makes you feel you’re too old for that career, too old to get married. Too old to be a parent. Too old to get a new job. Break that chain, face your fear. Find that strength and break out of that self enslaved chain. Don’t be your own colonial master. Set yourself free.
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